On Objectification

Posted on by trishathacker

This post is more socially conscious than my others, but it’s about something that has bothered me for a long while. I decided to write this poem in light of the increased media attention on the appalling rape cases, domestic violence, acid attacks and female infanticide. Personally, I believe that they all stem from the objectification of women. Unless men can see women as real people and not just objects of their attraction and entertainment, they will never be able to treat women as equals. Objectification not only hurts the self-confidence and esteem of women, but also gives men a sense of ownership over them. So here is a poem inspired by my extended essay book: ‘The Edible Woman’ by Margaret Atwood, on the objectification of women.

She is Mine

He says I’m interesting,

Like the book he reads.

He says I’m attractive,

Like the figures on magazines.

He says I’m exciting,

Like the movies he sees.

He says I’m delicious,

Like the food he eats.

But he doesn’t say,

I am real,

Or I am flawed,

Or I am me.

Because I am an object,

And the only person is he.

-t.t

On Perfection

Posted on by trishathacker

For a long time, I had a misconception about perfection. I believed the only way I could be happy and love myself was if I was “perfect”. And this idea of perfection stemmed from following a set of values or ideals or fitting into these boxes of expectations that I had built for myself. It could differ from person to person, and probably include getting perfect grades or having a perfect job or a perfect relationship or even being a perfect child/parent. 

I spent so much time and energy on achieving these misconceived perfect ideals, and had a eventually huge surge of self-confidence when I finally achieved them. But the flaw with this was that I didn’t account for change and mistakes- two inevitable occurrences. 

The thing about change is that its rarely in your control and the changes in behaviour of people around you or situational changes can easily disrupt your “self-progress”. Moreover, mistakes are another completely natural and unavoidable occurrence. 

My obsession with perfection was getting so out of control that not only did it make me judgemental of others, but it made me impose these ideals onto the people around me.

Unfortunately, I learnt a lesson the hard way, when a mistake made me realise how imperfect I am. I realised that everything doesn’t revolve around the ‘self-image’ that you create for yourself. Your personal confidence shouldn’t be correlated to your success, because success is not a constant. Sometimes you just need to stop being so hard on yourself, and ironically, empathise with yourself. I’ve understood that the you are in a long-term relationship with yourself, and the only way to succeed is to love yourself despite your flaws. The only thing that made me imperfect, was my inability to recognise and embrace my imperfections.

On Stalling

Posted on by trishathacker

Over the years, Valentine’s Day has become the symbol of textbook romance: the big romantic gestures, satin hearts, red roses and candle-lit dinners. No matter how much I dislike this overrated celebration, there are few good things that come out of it: opportunity, finality and closure.

Valentine’s Day provides the most condusive situation to “go for it”. It’s human nature to fear rejection, and obviously, the only way to avoid rejection is by stalling. When you like someone, you build-up this fantasy world in some grand castle on Cloud-9, where everything is perfect and everyone is happy. We interpret every situation with that person as some sort of sign or step closer to achieving that distorted reality. But the fact is, that world doesn’t exist and the only way to get something close to it (by that I mean a healthy/happy relationship) is to admit your emotions; instead of living in a fantasy and avoiding confrontation. So for if you’re confident that you like someone and enjoy being with them, stop putting it off in hopes for some unachievable fantasy and go for the best option right here and now. So here’s a poem I wrote last night about stalling…

Half a Valentine

That sunny Tuesday afternoon,

She walks towards you between classes.

Behind her back, a soft white bear,

Her hair tied in pigtails, her mesmerized blue eyes behind soda-thick glasses.

 

That windy Thursday evening,

She approaches you at the mall.

In her palms, a small note with her email,

Her short blond hair, her pink tennis dress with a white coverall.

 

That buzzing Friday night,

She throws herself at you in the club,

With inviting words on her lips.

Her loose blond hair, her little black dress rising towards her hips.

 

But, she stops. She turns. She forgets her words.

Because you can’t be her Valentine, not once, not ever.

A Valentine lasts only a day,

But you are hers forever.

-t.t

Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

On the Opportunity Costs in Life

Posted on by trishathacker

A while back in my Economics class I learnt about a concept called ‘Opportunity Cost’, in simple words it is the value of the next best alternative that is lost when you make a choice. I personally believe that this is a highly relevant concept for everything in life. Every time we make a decision, we gain something, and lose something else. It’s like the Interactive Goosebumps books I used to read, where you literally run to your own death. And with every opportunity cost (sorry if this is too metaphorical) we create two pathways in our lives, one on which we are standing right now and another of how our lives would be if we chose the next-best alternative. Again, this is highly simplified as there would me multiple, multiple pathways, which is a pretty scary concept to imagine, and this just become more complicated with age and experience when we make more choices. But it is also important to question if you’re happy with where you are standing right now, or you’d rather go back in time and shuffle up some of the choices you made. As we grow up, the opportunity costs in life become larger and the decisions become harder and proportionately the two paths diverge further away. Yes, it is harder to decide which university to apply to as opposed to what to eat for dinner.

But what is really important is how we make those decisions. How we agree upon what is best and what is second best, and that comes down to the ‘rational thinking concept’. This may seem obvious, but in humans it is highly ambiguous. There are exceptions in life when we go against this rational-thinking concept and make decisions that are not the most beneficial for us. This can happen for many reasons and the first and most obvious one is love or any intense emotion for that matter. When you’re blinded by emotions, acting upon them comes first and thinking comes later. Another reason can include support or peer pressure, it happens to everybody- in a large group we tend to follow ideas or comply with plans that we otherwise wouldn’t. Additionally, the safety net that humans feel in a group is both re-assuring and irrational.

Now drawing from this concept, I want to remind you that sometimes we need to stopping thinking about the opportunities costs and consequences of our actions and start doing more. We need to get out of our minds and back into the present, because sometimes the most beautiful creations come from spontaneous ideas, epiphanies, serendipity and beautiful mistakes. Sometimes things just work themselves out. So instead of focusing upon the second path of missed opportunities spend your energy on building the path you already walk on.

On Waiting

Posted on by trishathacker

The concept of waiting has always seemed like an unusual paradox to me. In one place, waiting for someone is a kind and romantic gesture, while on the other, waiting when time and life doesn’t is dismissed as passive.

I wrote this while standing in a two hour queue at the airport, inspired by the writing style of Jodi Picoult.

So here goes:

Waiting. We wait to meet people- for autographs from our favourite celebrities, book signings, appointments with clients. We wait for assistance, an appointment with a doctor, lawyer or a broker. We wait to travel- the groggy faces and sleepy eyes in the queues at airports and train stations. We wait to know- the results of a test, the outcome of the Sunday football game, the drama play’s casting list. We wait to reunite, with friends and family we’ve daydreamed to see again. We wait for time to heal our wounds, for memories to fade and the flesh to reappear in the cuts from the losses of our loved ones. We wait to meet someone- for the boy next door to ask us to the dance or for a simple request on an online dating site. We wait for approval – a simple smile and nod as a symbol of reassurance. We wait to forget bad times and we wait to reconcile- for the apology we never expected to come and for friendships to mend again. We wait out storms, snow and rain. We wait for moments, like a pastry chef removing a soufflé from an oven at a precise moment, the 8 seconds for a bull rider to breathe a sigh of relief, the moment we get butterflies in our stomach. We wait for change and to revert changes- for everything to go back to how it was again. We wait for our wishes and wildest dreams to come true. Most of all, we wait to be understood, adored and loved.